Positive Dreams, February Face 1

Dream

We all dream of different things.  When I am doodling, I become relaxed and my mind starts to wander off to an artful dream.  Time vanishes and all the worries and anxieties I have disappear.

As I was finishing this doodling journal entry, Mathew Barber's song, "Modern Woman" haunted my doodling dreams.  I was trying to think of a way to disguise a big black area that I had originally concocted to cover a face mishap.  Once again, my tissue tape did the trick.  I knew that I needed a last finishing touch to tie the whole thing together.  Mathew Barber's soothing voice gently weaved through my doodling dreams, "Modern woman... Don't stop chasing your dreams..."  Ah, ha, I will use my lucky garage sale find, the mighty embossing labeler with black "tape" and I will emboss one word, "Dream."

Dream (detail)

Here are the lyrics to his simple, but beautiful and powerful song:

Modern woman, let's, let's make a home,
Go do what you want to,
But don't, leave me alone.

Modern woman, let's make a family,
Don't stop chasing your dreams,
But please, be kind to your baby.

Modern woman, modern woman,
Please, make this peasant your man.
Modern woman, modern woman,
I will love you the best that I can,
The best that I can,
The best that I can.

 http://www.lyricsmania.com/modern_woman_lyrics_matthew_barber.html

The woman in this picture is surrounded by many different swirls and textures and patterns, which remind me of all of the demands and pressures placed upon the modern woman, the woman who had dreams of a career.

From the time I was a little girl, I always knew that I wanted to work with children.  Yes, I dreamed of being a Charlies' Angel, a country music singer and song writer, an actress and many others, but deep down I thought that I should be a teacher.  I could write educational songs and sing with my students, I could write plays and perform them with my students, I could even be a detective and try to solve mysteries with my students. 

I was the first person in our immediate family to graduate from university and I often wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't pursued a career, but stayed home to take care of my babies until they were old enough to go to school and I would have worked in the home.   I often wonder if I would have made more cookies and cakes and fancier meals? Would my bathroom and floors be squeaky clean,  and my furniture dust free?  I can actually answer the cleaning question...no...my home wouldn't have been any cleaner...There are so many other things to do...and I don't think there is such a thing as dust free furniture, especially on an acreage and in dusty, windy southern Alberta.  I'd rather be digging in the soil, looking for treasures, planting perennials and looking for worms, than wiping it from my floors and furniture.

Now that I have been a career woman for almost 22 years, I am jealous  of women who can work at home.  I am jealous of the apparent freedom that they must have... I know, some are tied to the housework and chores, but I imagine being free of a dictated daily schedule and demanding deadlines stacked on my shoulders by others. At this stage of my life, I am eager to learn new things and continue learning things that I want to, that I place upon my own shoulders.  I dream of a day when I can toodle the day away, doing this and that, and of course, pursuing my art on a regular basis. 

I was once asked by a group of student teachers,"Does it get any easier?"  My answer still is, "No."  There is more and more placed upon our shoulders, and the more we know about education, the more inadequate we feel.  With all of the demands, it is so tiring trying to please everyone, spending hours dreaming about school, dreaming and worrying about the children who need so much love and help, and dreaming of creative lessons.  These are the dreams consuming my mind, day and night, every day, every sleep, every holiday...I feel so tired of giving all my energy and trying to help others to learn so that one day their dreams can come true.  I feel that I am not getting the rewards I had once anticipated in my modern woman career dreams.

I have always dreamed of making a difference in all of my students' lives, but things in the education system and the families are so complicated...I feel that education is not a priority for many families...they pull their kids out of school for every little thing and do not teach them the values that I grew up with.... work hard, do your best, respect your elders, don't talk back, be on time,  never miss school unless you have a contagious disease or virus like chicken pox, measles, mumps...do  your homework! 

So as a modern woman, I  wonder, would it be any more gratifying or easier to not be a modern woman?  Would more people be kinder to their babies, and would priorities be any different?  Could I have other dreams?

Hmmm...

 I guess this has not turned out to be a reflection of positive dreams, but of dreams that change.  I know that all that I have experienced and learned as a career woman have helped me to become who I am now.  The skills that I have picked up and the knowledge that I have gained, people I have met, have all helped me personally and in my art.  So I suppose it hasn't all been a struggle to make my dreams come true.  Dedication and high expectations that I have imposed upon myself  have helped my old dreams come true and assisted me in making new dreams and pursuing them.  Well, perhaps, I guess, this is a reflection of positive dreams after all!???

Dreams Among the Confusion

I have decided to join 29 Faces of February.  This will be my second time joining.  I also did this is September!  The goal is to create 29 faces and post them.  Here is the site to see other art blogs, faces and to  join.

The story and images are soul property of Renee Dowling.

To use them in any way, please contact her at

dowling@shockware.com